Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
