the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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