sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
