You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
