Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
