Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
