Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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