he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
