Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
