I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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