hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
