just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
