last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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