no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
