drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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