We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
