everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
