i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
