The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
