Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
fuck your aforementioned shoe
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
