I skipped work to stalk him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
