I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
