I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
