so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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