I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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