You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
