What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
