I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
