Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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