It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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