Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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