I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
