My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
