I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
