did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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