i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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