Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize