I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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