First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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