Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize