I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
