I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
