i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
