I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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