If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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