i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
