he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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