So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
