he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and she was petting her beer can
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize