you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
