he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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