names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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