Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
