you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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