I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
