so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
