you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
