im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
