It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
