she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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