Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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