I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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