I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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