my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
