your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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