so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i drank out of a bidet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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