I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
