Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
