Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize