We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
