I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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