If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize