dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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